How long can we let the soul Starve?

                            How Long can we starve?

We all know that we love and need food to satisfy our bodies, and in the world there are a lot of good and wonderful things to eat. I am partial to most Indian and Thai foods, I love a good steak and breads oh my goodness do I love breads.
  Since I've become Gluten intolerant i have had less of the breads and grains but i still am able to enjoy the Indian and Thai cuisine. But for a long time , while on my diet, I felt like i was starving, i wondered why? I had been eating foods, alot of rice, vegetables and meats, but no breads, no cake, no deserts really those are all the bad things for our bodies right?

I was doing some research on bread, and have come to know that bread is the staple of life in the world, many countries have their own unique version of bread , in most 1st and 2nd world countries we have pre-made and packaged breads, but in some second and most 3rd world countries bread is made everyday. It is fresh and is always placed on the table. it is always there. They would starve with out bread.

AHA! was the thought process, i had been starving of the most instinctual staple of humanity BREAD!
but the bigger meaning entered into my mind. Lately I had been starving for more important bread, ...

I've been starving for the peace that the Gospel of Christ brings. There are those out there with many varying beliefs, but i know of none that promises the same quality and peace that the Gospel of our savior Jesus Christ brings into our souls. I also know that he has restored his church , through his power, and His authority for US! He loves US!

He suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane for YOU, and died on the cross for YOU, and rose again on the third day, so WE might live again.

STOP RIGHT NOW AND RE READ THAT SENTENCE ABOVE!
OK now you can continue.

I had been not been doing the things that keep me completely nourished . I had not done enough of the good things  to become malnourished in the essential vitamins and minerals of the spirit. I Had been eating metaphysical snickers and donuts instead of my veggies and meats.  I'll be honest not forgiving your friends and not reading your scriptures as dilligently can make you malnourished

How many of you have felt that? how many of you have felt wasted, and spent? How many of you claim you Don't know why?

I had a friend tell me so very wisely , not knowingly of course, the best thing i could hear.
He said, usually when i feel blue or down its because i haven't repented of something, be it yelling at a friend , or something more serious.  the moment he said this i knew it was right.

WE need to go to the lord to be forgiven, so WE can move forward with the joy and Light he meant for us to have!

I know he loves us, more than we will ever comprehend, i mean he paid for us, HE BOUGHT OUR FREEDOM, that's a lot of freaking love y'all! Come unto him and be made whole!

- T

Never appologize for being you!

Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional .... story of my life. I get a big smile out of this, I think our world is understanding people better, and how we function , think, act , love and feel. there has been a stereotype of what a man and woman should be.
Men: the typical man, is still believed to be, tall, angular faced, rough , outdoorsy, addicted to sports and doesn't know how to communicate or be domestic.
Women: tender, flowing of emotions, subtle , quiet, fragile, and sensitive. timid, homemaker , all things lacy and porcelain.

well how many of us truly fit into that category?  maybe a portion but certainly not all.

I have come to know, that there are many different types of masculine and femine. I believe inherently that being male and female are important and masculinity and femininity are important. But i feel what isn't so important is the way our unique masculine and feminine is expressed.

I will use me as an example. I am very soft , even my physical features are soft, i am not a tall super athletic, man, i enjoy sports but I don't run my life around them. I love a good chick flick , long talks about life, romance, i learned how to crochet while serving a  mission for my church , cooking is great. I do cry at sentimental things,  I rather enjoy pinterest. Along with other manly things, i ride horses, i farm and do yard work but I am not seen in the worlds eyes as the typical man. I would judge this part of my life harshly . I felt as though i weren't something of value. or would ever have my place in the world. i would bee.... looked down on.

then i was introduced to a new way of thinking about myself. ... namely who's to say i am less than just because i don't fit into that mold?  I think that i would make a great husband and father.I imagine my wife would like me to be able to connect with her on how to cook a certain food or in fact if the "sliced cucumber " wall paint looks good or not. I have learned to love who I am , i am more emotionally available for other people including my future wife, and children.

In turn you must take that same philosophy , Love who you are , it doesn't make you any less of a person. God knows who you are and loves you for that so you might as well love yourself too!

If you area  get it done kind of woman, GREAT! don't change you still are a wonderful expression of feminine and we NEED you in this world! IF you are a sensitive , detail ,emotion oriented man, Awesome we need you too!

Lets change this thinking and I believe we will see a change in how we feel about ourselves and interact as a world.

Get it right... Rain....

you know those times in your life, where you want to have the perfect sentence to write or nugget of wisdom to impart? or what about those times where you just want to be heard ? oh i know those moments where you want heaven to meet earth and some big serendipitous moment ensues because you finally got something right... yeah that's what i wanted for this week.

Isn't it funny how when you are making steps and doing your best is when the most ferocious roadblocks come. I was thinking about this today and  i cant even believe the amount of aha moments i had, we can do the things that God has asked us to do in order to receive blessings, and somehow we think well I'm doing something righteous so i am bulletproof, like come on Heavenly Father , bless me I'm going to be 100% fine, then when you let that guard down Satan can still get you! Wha?? yes exactly. and that is exactly what happens. Its constant vigilance as Mad-eye Moody would say, you will receive strength and blessings only if you show God you are willing to make a plan and run. RUN from whatever is your temptation, bad mouthing , gossip , drugs, alcohol , over eating, pornography, gambling whatever! IF you have an escape and defensive plan god will see it through as long as you are willing to act on this plan. 

The rarity of the desert rain graced us with its presence today, connecting us to the earth god has created for us, to clear negative energies we carry because of pride and misguidance , as well as negative beliefs . as i write the open windows let the cool evening wind blow around me, the smell of the rain cleanses my soul reminding me of Heavenly Fathers love. I took a great run in the rain, i had to go connect myself after feeling so disconnected for such a long time. I don't care if you don't appreciate camping, ( ha ha i don't like it personally) but we as children of God need to experience this earth, he created all things , here in earth as well as in heaven. The holy ghost testifies to us we are his children as we connect to his creations in nature. 

thanks for reading and bearing with my rambling, its needed to talk it out.

until we meet again......

- Toph

Emotions... feel them deeply

so today... I just realized that i wasn't invited to something that the rest of my friends were.... by a not so close friend... leaving me alone to myself.... and it hurts... really hurts because the only friends i have are going to be gone. and IT FREAKING HURTS! but its a part of being human and when we block these emotions... we don't heal and we fester and lick our wounds. Christ suffered on the cross and in the garden so we can heal if we choose to accept his atonement. and part of this includes .... Feeling emotions deeply.

I was told a story by a woman in Virginia of a dream her father had,
" I was in a dark place surrounded by hundreds of glowing spheres, covered in spikes, each had a picture or memory caught in the middle, some painful , some sad , embarrassment and shame, they hurt , but as he picked them up , he pressed them to his chest and by doing so the spheres absorbed into his body and dissolved and the feeling of pain went away."

I find myself thinking about this over and over as i have emotions that are hard to deal with in my life arise , i think about what a blessing it is to feel, to have compassion grow with in us for those who feel it frequently... empathy.

I used to be a very empathetic person by nature but as i hid from my emotions i tuned out of that god given gift and became a very selfish person... very selfish.

And it makes me sad how selfish i have become..... i don't know. i just need to run... peace out!

Eternal Marriage: its like a good run

Just some thoughts on eternal marriage, I by no means am an expert on what is like to married or what not, but I do feel that my upbringing and what the gospel of Jesus Christ teaches, I am an expert on what an eternal celestial marriage SHOULD be.

Today I went for a wonderful run with a really amazing friend named Brooke, a friend from my local young single adult ward. We went on a three mile run through Provo, and it was amazing I had a blast. This was tough for me because ½ of the run is uphill and I have not been running uphill for about…. Ever ok? I’ll be honest and keeping it real. I don’t run uphill. So we were going uphill and the other friend with us had to stop so we did, eventually we got to a halfway point and he had to turn around and head home he was so tired and not ready for such a long run, so Brooke and I started going again, she had the most pleasant attitude the whole way, truly an angel, Christ like to a T. and then came the point where I had to slow down so she did too. Then we started running the race again then again I had a cramp and had to walk… and she slowed too… we walked and talked … then I felt better and said let’s run… I plugged in my earphones and a wonderful empowering song came on ,and I had to sprint and smile, just sublime… grinning from ear to ear… and sprinting ( I make it a point to smile while I run because people have this awful scowl each time I see them running).  THEN I noticed I was too far ahead of her, and I slowed down to wait for her... and then our finish line was in sigh about a quarter mile left, and I turned to her and said I’m tired but NO Quit., not a complete English sentence, but… NO QUIT… and I didn’t we got to the last cross walk and my body couldn’t do it… so we walked and waited for the cross walk to turn to  the little man made of white lights to appear, then I turned to her and said, lets run the rest of the way home.

To me this is a parable of how a marriage should be, we are on a run, a run back home to our heavenly father, and most of the time when we run it’s a circle from home and right back to it. On this run we have a running mate, in the case of our marriages it’s our wives or husbands.  Just like a run marriages have stages, the first 5 min or so of a run are amazing and easy, you’re just full of energy, but then hills come and you get tired but you push through them together, it will be rough and hard but you do it. Then you become tired and a spouse gets a little weary along the way, then we stop and let them catch their breath and then we continue onward. Sometimes you have to completely stop and take the time to listen to one another and their needs focusing 100% on them. THEN run again... then comes the downhill portion where you are in sync and have it pretty figured out, and then you’re coming to the close of your journey, and like my run , a powerful song appears in your life,( I like to think of this as the gospel of Christ ) and it carry’s you forward at a faster pace, and also like my run you each take turns waiting and helping each other,  it’s also filled with whimsy if you enjoy it, Brooke was a wonderful example of this,everytime there was a sprinkler near the sidewalk she would run right through it, this always made me smile.

 then… at the very end when your destination is in sight, you run to it, and make sure even if on your last stretch you need to rest, run home even if it is 10 feet run it.

As mentioned before I may not know what it is like to be married but, Christ has taught us how we should be. Listen to his words, live them, pray about them and seek his guidance he will send the Holy Spirit to manifest his will for us. Because he wants us to make it home fast or slow, he wants us home as a family.

Not afraid to show my scars

Not afraid to show my scars

Submitted by anonymous

Here is a wonderful story from an anonymous contributor, this individuals story is powerful and gives us a lot to think about. A lot about love, the savior and endurance.

“Why is it that these acts against virtue are the most hard to overcome and the ones that leave the deepest wounds and the most horrific scars? For the longest time any time I was involved in a conversation having to deal with, the harmful effects of pornography, I would use the common phrase “oh I have a friend who has an addiction and this is what he does and this is what his therapist says about it and this is how he feels…”  I would figuratively hide my scars underneath my clothing… and finally I’m just tired of pretending I don’t know what it’s like personally to be affected with an addiction to pornography. I have been scared to share it and this is step one in sharing my story.

I was first exposed to pornography when I was around 12 years old, and I was highly addicted throughout my teen years, and into college. 12…. Sometimes I weep for that poor 12 year old boy who would spend the next 8-9 years struggling with depression, severely low self esteem, and sexual addiction one after another.  Take a mental trip with me, picture yourself at 12, you were super impressionable, and trying to figure out who you are and then you are exposed to a drug 4 times as potent as crack cocaine, your love for your self isn’t only lowered its shattered, you start basing you relationships off of sexual encounters, you’re so afraid to have friends because you are scared that they will find out your secret, and your parents too.  Girls became… unapproachable, all they became were objects, things without feelings or purity, and my relationship with other guy’s my age were ruined, all I could do was feel envy because they were always more good looking and desirable than I was, both sexes became tainted by the affects of pornography.

When I was 16 I had enough, I went and talked to my church leader,  a wonderful man who helped me understand that , even though I had chosen to view these images , that Christ had prepared a way for me out of that deep , deep dark pit.  And I was clean for about 4 years and then I had the biggest relapse of my life, and I binged I think for 3 days straight … I felt so horrible, I was preparing to serve a mission for my church and wanted to leave as clean as I could, and felt as though I had ruined my chances of doing the thing I wanted most. 

It was there at school where I ultimately turned to God for help, I was reading in my scriptures particularly the Book of Mormon, and I came across this scripture, in Mosiah 4:9 Believe in  God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.

I was struggling but this scripture gave me the hope to know that my father in heaven knows my path out, I felt the words of my savior say to me “my son, I love you, and I want you to return to me again, but there are things you need to change, I have established my law and you need to follow it.” 

I did it, I served a mission and it was the most wonderful experience I have ever experienced, but just because I served a mission doesn’t mean that my, addiction went away completely, I still face times of temptation and desire, and afterward I had a few relapses, but I think I learned the most amazing thing, God understands and I am still me! Porn addiction changed my behavior and desires but, you know what? I have changed them back and am still fighting to do so.  It can feel lonely but know this, you are not alone.  You are not weird, you are not picked out of a crowd, and Satan wants you to feel this way god does not. He wants you to feel his love and his son’s power and the process of repentance; it frees your soul from the darkness.

I just want to end by saying, to you the addicted porn user, hold on and stand up, speak up, there is hope at the end of the day, why? God knows you, and I have walked your path, I have felt the desire, the thirst for lust that is more powerful than the need to eat or sleep, but our heavenly father has a more powerful path and plan. But for it to work he needs you to start moving your feet. Take my hand and my experience and let’s stand together.”

Doubt, Self Defeat, Low Self , Esteem...

There is a big misconception out there that women are the only ones who are faced with doubt, low self esteem, image issues, and a negative view of self. Men face it too and here is my view and take on it since I have faced these symptoms most of my life. Now, I don't want to favor men over women in this--I just want to talk about the feelings in general, how we can overcome them and learn to build others up as well.
We are bombarded with images of rail thin models with porcelain skin and are told that is beauty. We are shown images of 6'2" men with blond hair, blue eyes, and muscles the size of Jupiter and are told that is what a man is supposed to be. We are told that to be of worth, we have to be honor roll students, the cut-throat business person, the most popular kid at school, the all star athlete, have the newest car and best clothes.... the list can go on for eons and sadly, we begin to believe them.  We forget the wonderful qualities God gave us and we let those false images prevent us from achieving the dreams we have for ourselves.
I have personally experienced this in my life, and I let it ruin me. I was miserable. Who wants to wake up every morning and say, "WOW! I am so sad, I am not handsome, I have no value, I probably will never find a beautiful girl to marry, I probably will fail my math test today... I'm so excited!"
No one, right? How does that make you feel to think that way? Terrible, right?  You are NOT alone, we are here to fight together!
I had thought I was the only one who felt this way and that all the other guys I was comparing myself with didn't ever feel this way! Then God blessed me with a really amazing learning opportunity. I was in my new student ward, amazed at how it was full of really amazing people, including those stereotypes I compared myself with. I found myself wondering, that dude is everything I wished I was, why isn't he married?
I sat there with a girl I had been dating, just pondering. Then the last hour of church rolled around for Priesthood and half way through the lesson one brave and sincere man just shared his doubts and concerns. He said, "Hey, can you help me, guys? Right now I just feel so empty, and I'm not feeling it." Then all of the men just poured their hearts out to this man, saying how they understand, how they all are struggling too, how they worry they won't find someone to marry, their careers won't take off, etc.
 It hit me right there. No one is immune to those negative influences of the devil. It affects us all, rich or poor, physically fit or less so, smart or not. I also learned from that moment, WE do not have to feel that way, we do not have to feel like we are alone in feeling this way. Heavenly Father knew we would experience these feelings so He gave us each other. Satan is the one who uses fear and thoughts of being the only one to keep us from reaching out to one another.
So I suggest we break that chain of fear, doubt, and discouragement. Let's stand up and share with one another the light we have and realize WE are children of light, children of God. He is there guiding us to one another to shed those chains so we can live in peace and joy.  Who said we can't live our dreams, who said we aren't handsome or beautiful?  Because honestly WE ARE. God sees us as all the most wonderful things in all eternity, so let's live up to HIS expectations, stop comparing ourselves, and learn to love ourselves.